


outgrowing you

by pxrsephoneofeden



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Seduction, Awkward Ciel Phantomhive, Boarding School, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Behavior, Engagement, F/M, Flashbacks, Flirting, Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Inappropriate Behavior, Lolita, Multi, Non-Canon Relationship, Puberty, Sexual Harassment, Slice of Life, Teenage Ciel Phantomhive, Teenage Rebellion, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-08 21:43:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17989055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pxrsephoneofeden/pseuds/pxrsephoneofeden
Summary: Lizzy returns from a three year long Europe tour to reconnect with her family, but ends up getting more than she bargained for when a certain servant becomes her newest point of affection.





	outgrowing you

**Author's Note:**

> \- while there is no explicit underage or sexually graphic content in this, there is a heavy theme of sexual awakening and inappropriate behavior towards an adult character by someone underaged, so if you are very uncomfortable with this theme or this pairing i’d suggest not reading.

The unsweetened green tea left an unnecessarily bitter taste in her mouth as the bumpy train ride jolted her in her seat every few minutes. She thought to herself, she ought to feel entitled to a bad experience on the train ride back after what she’d done exactly three years and two months ago.

 

She clutched tightly onto a bent postcard from Pula, Croatia, written to her by her friend wishing her luck upon her return to England. Nancy, that said friend had opted not to travel back with her, as her expedition wasn't quite done yet. Lizzy smiled at the thought of her unsatisfied friend, who never seemed to live enough. The two had met through their parent’s business ventures and hadn't actually talked very much until Lizzy packed a bag and hopped on a train with her and her sister to all four corners of Europe merely days before her fourteenth birthday.

 

Now sixteen, standing five foot seven barefoot and having ditched her bright pink dresses and tight pigtails for a long wispy braid and an airy, loose fitted outfit suited for a womanly sophisticate, her childlike appearance seemed to be a distant whisper of a memory.

 

The train shook the passengers as it stopped. Lizzy quickly fumbled for her suitcases and tried to exit the train as fast as possible, having traveled so much the past three years she was used to the hustle and bustle of the small worlds that train stations held inside them. Making her way to the steps of the train, she was startled by a large hand on her elbow.

 

”Miss, please allow me to help you down.” A thickly German-accented man with a curly mustache held her elbow with one hand and guided their footsteps off the train in time together.

 

”Thank you, sir.” She tried to pull her arm away slightly, but her impeccable manners wouldn't allow her to sound even the slightest bit rude. Her voice wasn't as high pitched as before, but it was still sweet like fresh honey, leaving her intended tone often lost in translation.

 

”So what's a beautiful young woman doing on a train alone? Where's your husband, your Father, your brother? I'm sure you belong to someone?” He shot her a wink and moved his hand down her elbow to her hand, grazing over her ringless finger.

 

Yanking her hand from him and turning over her shoulder, she kicked herself internally for humoring him as she walked away. ”I don't belong to any man, I've not been plucked from the patch just yet.”

 

She smiled politely at him but made sure to break away before any more unwanted touching could take place. No longer in a little girl’s body, she quickly realized at the ripe age of 14 that the prying eyes of men burned more and more like fire on her pure lily skin. Some days she actually liked the burn, others, she wished silently that only women were allowed in certain places.

——

The carriage ride to the manor made her stomach churn with every familiar tree or bush she passed on her way there. Her hands danced around her bare legs, inching down to tighten a lace from her boot that had come loose sometime earlier that day. She closed her eyes and let her head hit the backseat of the carriage, remembering the last time she'd spoken to the residents of Phantomhive manor.

 

_Rain poured heavily against the window, the lump in her throat only seemed to grow with each passing second. The pain was all she could feel, her tiny body felt as if it might break under the pressure of realizing her life since HER Ciel had returned to her with that mysterious man dressed in all black has been a complete lie. Ciel was alive, but his image had been tainted for her, she could no longer love either of them. She hated him, Astre, the spare. How she hated calling him the spare, she only thought of because in her head insulting him could somehow make him feel bad for deceiving everyone. The real Ciel hadn't given her much solace, she only felt bored or uneasy around him. The boy she was supposed to love and marry was living a complete lie, and the truth seemed to sting her more. As cold and sticky tears slid down her cheeks onto the bed she laid in, a troubling thought raced through her head, and the more rational it became to her, the more she felt her hands reaching for clothes and travel items. Her mother found her packing her facial creams she didn't really need at her age into a suitcase, and dried her tear-stained cheeks_

_”Mother, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can see here in England that makes me feel happy since Astre and Ciel were made apparent to the lot of us.” Francis nodded sternly, brushing a strand of hair from her daughter's sweaty forehead. Her doll-like features had begun to lose baby fat much to her displeasure, like any mother she had wished her to stay young and naive forever._

_”Well, Elizabeth, what are you intending on doing? Running away? You have anything you could've ever wished to have, you are of nobility and a spotless reputation. Young girls look upon the Midford women as what they should aspire to be. Are you really looking to turn away?” Her mothers unusually hurt face stabbed a sharp wound into her conscious._

_”Father’s good friend Oliver Wellington had two daughters around my age, the younger one, Nancy, wrote me ages ago saying they would be traveling across the continent for schooling with their private tutors. They leave in two days, and I was planning on leaving with them.” She avoided her mother’s icy gaze until she finished, Francis’s eyes shut and she exhaled deeply. She nodded a yes to Lizzy and began to help her pack small glass bottles of expensive skincare items in a small carry-on. Lizzy was shocked but did not speak. She could read her mother’s mind at that moment, and for the very first time, she didn't feel like a repressed child, unable to do anything on her own._

_The following forty eight hours consisted of much crying from her brother and father, but total understanding, as they currently wanted both Phantomhive twins six feet under. Her mother didn't speak to her until she left, alone, in a carriage to the train station to meet Nancy, her sister Beatrice, and their tutor. She spoke to her in the form of writing. She handed her a crisp envelope as she made her way out the door and kissed her forehead. The note was short but sweeter than candy made by her ex-fiancee . It read as follows: ’My strong daughter, I worry for you as you venture into the unknown. I am unhappy you're adamant of leaving for who knows how long, but I am everlastingly proud of you for cutting off the things that keep you from growing in into the bold and refined woman you deserve to become. Your family loves you always. Please come back to us soon.’_

_The letter was tear stained almost as soon as she read it. She read it over and over again, hoping she’d somehow find a hidden word that would knock her into a solution that wasn't just running away from her failed life in the countryside of England. She silently prayed that something in that letter would urge her into the arms of Astre or Ciel, she’d laugh about this at her wedding, Sebastian would pour drinks for the newlyweds and her father would joke about when he's getting a grandson. She would grow old with one of the slate haired twins in a comfortable mansion with lots of small sapphire eyed children and elegant parties, and a happily ever after where no one fought or yelled or hated each other. When the driver told her she’d reached her destination that fantasy left her mind and the only things she wanted to do was get on a train and get far away from her old self. That ride away from the manor she changed, for better or worse._

_Nancy, with her curly brown hair and feathered hat greeted her with a godsent hug. Her older sister tapped her foot impatiently waiting for the train. The tutor was a dark-haired man with long wispy bangs that would make her traditional mother cringe. He was tall and smirked rather than smiled. He reminded her of the best parts of Sebastian. How ironic, she thought as the three girls and older male made it into the first class area of the train. Nancy droned on about how much fun they would have once they reached Romania, their first destination. Lizzy smiled and nodded, but in the back of her head, she could only listen to the screaming sigh of relief as the train started leaving the station. The second her foot stepped down on Romanian soil for the first time, any doubt she had was ripped from her._

\--

The tall gates of the Phantomhive manor entrance loomed over her, yet all her nerves had vanished. She truly had no expectations of what she would see once she entered the humungous building. The driver walked her to the front door and stranded her once they reached the doorknob. Seemed that he didn't want to be there just as much as she didn't. A thought entertained her mind. Maybe he's picked up on the fact that many people who enter the manor don't ever really exit.

 

Three hard knocks were all it took to hear the scuffle of footsteps from the inside. She braced herself to be face to face with the intimidating right hand of Astre if he were even still around.

 

Sebastian opened the door and tilted his head sideways upon meeting Lizzy’s gazes up at him, how dumb of her, she thought, of course, this bastard would still be here. His vampiric appearance hasn't seemed to age in the three years she’d been away, unlike herself. Greeting him quietly she had the stunning realization that even if she had changed a lot, many others back home likely hadn't. The butler removed her coat, and as it slid off her shoulders and down her back. She knew that even if she couldn't see him, he was wandering his perverted stare all over her new womanly figure. She wished to be a flat chested thirteen-year-old once more.

 

”How has... Everyone been since... I left?” Her voice was as soft as a snowflake hitting pavement. She spoke as he walked in front of her, guiding her to where the twins were bound to be. He was probably thinking that's who she was really there for.

 

”The young masters have been fine. Not quite as close as twins should be, but there is no bad blood. I primarily tend to the younger twin, as I am only technically employed by him, as well as the fact that the eldest son has requested I do not assist him as I do Astre.” The silky voice of the Butler made a chill flutter up against her spine. That was one thing she never once missed. As much as Astre was bonded to his butler, Lizzy was decidedly unnerved by the way she couldn't figure him out. She knew he was dangerous, all servants working for the Queen’s guard dog had to be, but the smooth way he spoke, and the almost comforting manipulation he gave everyone was a mystery to her. Sebastian was a confusing man she couldn't ever see herself forgetting. She had always wondered what her mother’s distaste for Sebastian was caused by, but seeing him for the first time since she left, that face of his was in fact, quite seductive and lecherous as her mother would describe, and it only added to her unease.

\--

Before she could even make her way half into the parlor room, she was pulled into a tight, uncomfortable hug by her older brother. Her tears were happy, halfway at least, whilst she reunited with her even more pot-bellied father and a now silver haired mother. She found comfort in the fact that at least others had changed in some way. Her brother seemingly the most. His hair was much shorter, and he was even taller than she had ever remembered him to be. Once he released her from his death grip hug, he returned to the side of a very petite red-haired woman with pointy features. She picked this woman out to be Dahlia Reddays, Edwards fiancee according to her Mother’s letters. She felt awkward knowing she knew more about the woman then she likely was aware of. She knew the day her father arranged the marriage, she knew she never let anyone see her hair out of sleek bun, and she knew that the wedding was set to be a month after Lizzy returned. The small woman shook Lizzy’s hand and smiled, but didn't utter a word. Lizzy looked at her mother knowingly.

 

A voiced laced in arrogance boomed from behind Lizzy before she could even get a single word in with Francis. She winced and turned around to face whichever twin was welcoming her back ”home”

 

”My wonderful Lizzy! I'm so glad you've returned to us!” His voice rang in her ears squeamishly.

 

Ciel, the real Ciel, glided over to her and kneeled at her feet, grasping her hand a little harder than she would've liked and placing a kiss to her knuckles before popping back up to face her. The first thing she noticed was that she was still taller than him. At sixteen she expected him to tower over her as men should, but the eldest twin stood at maybe five foot five in heeled shoes. Granted, Lizzy’s boots gave her another inch or two, but she was still a little amused at their height difference.

 

She’d given up being ashamed to be taller than the twins when she left, how silly she felt when she tried on stylish heels in fancy European stores, remembering how she would've cringed had she been wearing them back then. A few slow but recognizable footsteps trailed in her hearing range, this time she wouldn't be surprised. She flipped her head away from Ciel and looked eye to eye with Astre, who scuffled awkwardly towards her. He had always done that, but now she knew why.

 

”Welcome back, Elizabeth. I hope you had fun while you traveled.” Where Ciel was animated, Astre was robotic, unsure of how he was supposed to react to Lizzy. She sighed and finally stepped in-between the two and opened her arms to embrace both of their sides before excusing herself back to her family.

 

Her mother glared at the twins but she pursed her lips sympathetically at her own daughter. Edward was now droning on about his amazing finance and monumental wedding in only thirty days time. Ciel took this as an opportunity to wrap an arm around Lizzy’s waist and pull her close to him. She knew all about this happening, men thought that just because a woman was there, they would lead her by her midsection wherever they wanted to go, but usually, she never fought it, disgusted by their wandering hands, but curious as to what drew them to a young girl such as herself.

 

Astre stepped back adjacent to the other two and avoided eye contact once more. Ciel snapped his fingers in the air to gather everyone's attention.

 

”I know we are all so incredibly happy that my gorgeous fiancee had returned to her home-” She winced at the word fiancee, and looked over to Astre, who seemed to die a little when he said that just like she did. ”-and to celebrate, we've decided to throw you a huge ball! I know how much you love these things and I've even paid Nina to make you a giant dress!” He enthused and smiled almost deviously at her, her brother cheered and held his fiancee tighter, her father clapped, her mother forced a smile.

 

Elizabeth’s blood boiled. She hated the idea of this party, being paraded around for coming back home after leaving, and as Earl Phantomhive’s fiancee, something she used to take in pride that now nauseated her to the bone. She left to separate herself from that, that label, that attachment, why did she even leave if they would just stick it back into her. She ripped herself away from Ciel’s hold.

 

”I greatly appreciate this gesture, Ciel... But I really have to ask you to call it off, I feel a but unearthed by the whole thing. ” She spoke like she were giving a lecture to a small child, she felt so much older than him, thinking of every consequence, every touch, every mention of engagement. Astre looked annoyingly amused by her refusal, Ciel looked like he may have popped a vein.

 

”Absolutely not! I planned this the second I found you were returning, my love please, since when did you ever hate a good party? How Europe has turned you quite prudish.” Her brother lunged at Ciel, Edward’s fiancee and Elizabeth’s father retreated from the group. Francis began yelling at both twins. This was the reason she didn't want to be back. She ducked under the crowd and slammed the door shut that led to the gardens.

 

Her mother looked at Sebastian who was stalking at the side of the twins and shot a look that could kill. He had no clue how her discomfort could be his fault, but a knowing glance from Astre sent him to the gardens after Lizzy.

 

When he found her she was sat at the edge of a rose bush, picking deep wine petals from a bud and tossing them aside like they'd make all her worries disappear once they were gone. He bent down to get eye level to her and she glared at him.

 

”You didn't have to rescue me, Mr. Sebastian, I am no longer a child I can fend for myself.” She was on the verge of tears and she knew he knew she was, how she longed to return to Croatia with Nancy, drinking tea and reading scandalous romance novels in foreign languages, flirting with European men in bars they weren't supposed to be in, and hiding from the hell she knew she would face at home.

 

He watched her eyes squint at him as if it could make him walk away from her, he really wanted to, as she had a certain depth to her character he hadn't quite remembered and wished to see what she would do once he left, but orders were orders.

 

”Miss Elizabeth, I apologize if you feel uncomfortable here at the manor, I wish I could take care of you I really do, but I can assure you I will do everything in my power to make your time here rather pleasurable.” He leaned in closer to her and her face felt unreasonably hot, such a dirty man, she thought, getting so close to her and speaking to her in such a manner, over extenuating the words ”pleasure” and ”take care of you”. If she had less self-control she’d slap him, but oh her manners got the best of her again.

 

”As I said, I am not a child, I do not need anyone like you to take care of me, it's not even that I don't feel welcome, in fact, I feel too welcomed!” Her eyes widened and she scooted away from him. The rose she had in her hand had run out of petals to desecrate. He simply turned his attention to the rose bush and plucked a particularly thorny one from the bundle, and handed to her.

 

”What do you mean, too welcomed?” He sounded sincere, she didn't want to think he was, but she needed a safe space to dump her word vomit into. Unfortunately, she thought, he was her only option at that time to vent to.

 

”I abandoned all of you, and the twins really think I've just moved on. Ciel is way too confident in the way he speaks to me, as if our betrothment is guaranteed to him just because he's alive and well! And Astre was even worse! He sounded like a scared child, like if he said the wrong thing I would attack him! I may not ever be able to forgive anyone for how I was lied to, but at least whilst I was away I matured!” She was yelling now, angry at no one in particular, but definitely not angry at Sebastian who seemed to understand everything she said.

 

”Well, I can most definitely see how you've matured-” a quick glance up and down her body made her face turn bright red, she scoffed as his attention returned to her face. ”-but I can assure you that no one expects you fall completely in love with Ciel or even Astre. I believe my masters just feel estranged to your new person. Elizabeth, you are most definitely no longer a child, you might not be a woman, but you are long gone from being a small girl. Allow this party to be, not a welcoming back of the old, little girl, Elizabeth, but welcoming of the beautiful woman, Elizabeth.” Her breath hitched when he tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She swallowed and tried to think of something to say to keep the advances at bay for now.

 

”Um! Where exactly are the, um, the others?” Her voice trembled, how innocent she seemed, and how she knew it drew him more and more to her now that she was at an age where most lost their innocence.

 

He chuckled and finally moved a little bit away from her. He sighed and stared into the distance.

 

”Bard and Mey-rin are still with us, but you see that smoke coming from that small house right back there?-” She looked over the skyline behind the forest surrounding the mansion, and nodded. ”- they decided to elope and start a family, living close enough to still work, but far enough to have their own life away. They have a baby boy now actually, his name is Reginald. ” Elizabeth squealed, earning another chuckle.

 

”Oh! How I always thought they would make just the cutest couple! How adorable!-” The old Elizabeth that gasped at anything frilly and cutesy sometimes did come out, old habits die slowly and painfully it seems. ”-is Finnian enjoying the servants bunks all to himself?” She asked, not wondering where on earth her secret favorite servant had been.

 

”Yes, Finnian is actually not with us. When the young masters had a business guest about a year after you left, he brought along with him his entire family, the man had seven daughters and five sons, the youngest being a girl named Bethany, she and Finnian ran off together and he's been sending us letters ever since, the two live in Ireland now running a quaint little tavern. ” Her face dropped again. How could Finnian be gone? And how could her mother have not told her any of this? Really the only news about the servants she knew for certain was that Tanaka had tragically passed seven months ago due to pneumonia. She cried for two whole days when she received that letter.

 

”I'm sure you were made aware of Mr. Tanaka?” She marveled at how monotone the butler could sound whilst talking about death.

 

”Yes. He was a very nice man. I feel dreadful I missed the funeral.” She fought back tears but they broke through her eyelashes and dipped onto her skirt. Sebastian lifted a handkerchief to her face and she muttered a thanking before wiping her puffy eyes.

 

Sebastian cleared his throat, and attempted to slice through the awkward aura the conversation had led too upon the subject of death.

 

”Truthfully you hadn't missed much. It was a horrid day for everyone, and a woman such as yourself shouldn't be exposed to that sort of tragedy at the peak of her youth.” She stared into his ruby eyes and felt comforted and seen, the first time since she'd been there. He intake sharply and returned his dampened handkerchief to his pocket.

 

”Take a moment to gather your dignity, I must return inside to take care of the madness, when you return we shall smooth everything out.”He stood up, towering over and and swiftly made his way inside. Lizzy slumped against the damp grass and took a deep breath. She reconciled a memory from years ago she never really stopped thinking about since it happened. It was one that concerned the very gardener that had escaped her grasp.

 

_Midnight, cold and lonely were the only words a twelve year old Elizabeth could replay over and over again in her mind. She should be happy, she thought, she should be celebrating that he’s even alive, she thought, but in reality her heart was being tugged every which way by the apathetic boy in the dining hall pretending to care that so many people were so happy he was alive._

_It took two years for Ciel to even be able to bare seeing lots of his own family at one time, so when he casually mentioned he was feeling more and more safe again, she was filled to the brim with joy for the boy she’d adored so much. She had gone through so much trouble, being so elated that Ciel was alive and recovering that she planned a huge party with her mother’s help just for him. She had Nina design a dress that was a deep teal, a color the Earl had loved since childhood. She did everything in her power to make him happy, but to no avail. He scoffed at her compliments to him, he wouldn’t dance, he complained whenever anyone except his new butler would even mutter a word to him. That butler made her uneasy, he made her afraid, he looked like he could be an assassin for the queen, and she thought, if he’s working for the Phantomhive’s he might as well be one. Ciel had declined her offer to talk for the last time that night, so at 12:07 am when the party was in full swing, the hostess that tried her very hardest to make it perfect, couldn't even bask in her own success._

_A pitifully sympathetic voice interrupted her hot tears bouncing off the paved steps out front ._

_”Miss Midford? Are you alright? Did someone hurt you?” She recognized the voice as belonging to the new, young gardener. A tragic young man, being rescued at only fourteen a year earlier from a government experiment. She had always thought of Ciel being so kind to take him in and employ him. Three hundred and sixty five days later, the tragic fourteen year old was fifteen and while still anxious, he was happy, so very happy all the time. It made Ciel sick, but it made Lizzy shine like the sun whenever he was around. He liked talking to Lizzy, she was like a doll he’d tell her, someone he could say anything to and she’d just smile and act polite. He made her feel seen, she knew Ciel was healing, but it hurt to feel unwanted. Finnian gave her a place of recognition, so she isn’t really sure what came over her that night, but by 12:15, Her lips were pressed on the older, but still quite young, man’s mouth on the steps. They broke away, his face as red as a ripened strawberry, and hers lightly dusted with a peach flush of humiliation._

_He immediately began apologizing, saying he was sorry he’d stolen her first kiss from Ciel, saying he’d sullied her, even though she couldn’t quite remember, she was certain it had to have been her to initiate the kiss right? Her mouth tasted like caramel, and she merely smiled innocently at the now panicked gardener. She kissed his cheek, wiped her stray tears and made her way back to the party. Finnian sat on the stairs stunned. That was the end of that, but the memory of feeling so powerful by being the object of someone’s desire, no matter how insignificant, was something she wouldn’t soon forget_.

 

She giggled to herself, feeling like she could feel his caramel taste on her tongue once more, and cursing herself for not taking a second kiss from him. She stood up, brushed the dirt off of the backs of her legs and re-entered the manor. She heard a vague imitation of an argument still going on between her mother and Ciel, Astre sat grinning mischievously at his brother’s misfortune. She cleared her throat, and everyone seemed to snap back to pretending to be normal when she was there.

 

“I apologize for my immaturity. I’m very thankful you’ve thrown me a welcome back party, however there is something i’d like to make very apparent-“ Her mother smiled ear to ear at her independence, Lizzy turned her gaze from her mother to Sebastian, who raised an eyebrow and smirked at her, feeling like he knew what she was going to say word for word. “- I am not who I was before. Three years ago, I changed, I faced the truth and I grew up. When I left and travelled, I experienced so much enriching things, that i’ve decided that I can’t be the old me again. I am not just someone’s fiancée that adores anything pink and soft, I am not just a nobleman’s daughter, I am myself. And that is who I shall remain until I decide to change again.” Sebastian nodded at her as if he were saying ‘good job’ and she felt her face heat up again. Astre looked relieved but a little afraid, Ciel looked annoyed, and her family looked proud. Sebastian then announced dinner was ready, and Elizabeth now has to panic about where in the hell she would sit.

 

\--

 

The seat next to her Mother and across from her brother’s fiancée was placed brilliantly in her favor, quite literally since name tags were put out in front of each seat. Sebastian walked around the table setting down drinks and food in front of everyone, and noticing the handwriting on the tags was his, she knew a thank you was in order. When he came around to place down a glass of water for her, she reached and held his hand in place, motioning with her finger for him to bend down.

 

“Thank you, really, I must thank you for saving me the awkwardness of seating..” She barley made a sound, but his chuckle told her he heard her loud and clear.

 

The twins made light jabs at each other throughout the whole meal, and Lizzy thanked God she hadn’t been there to hear it for three straight years. The food was as perfect as she remembered, maybe even better. The dessert was by far her favorite part, apart from the fact that a bit of chocolate drizzle dropped from her fork into her finger.

 

“Shit!” She exclaimed, and her mother’s eyes widened at her.

 

“Elizabeth! You are a lady, you will not speak in such a manner!” She hissed her, and Lizzy looked down, unable to deal with her mother’s stabbing comments she never necessarily agreed with. Men swore, what made the difference if she did?

 

She noticed Sebastian watching her when she heard a light chuckled at her chastisement. She made a quick glance to see if her mother were paying any attention. She was not, and Lizzy knew it was time for a little fun.

 

She lifted her hand that had the drizzle dripping down it, and dragged her tongue up her finger, not breaking eye contact once, she smiled big and wide at him when she could sense his breath hitch and his eyes stopped blinking. She bit her lip and grabbed a napkin to wipe the rest of the sauce off of her hand. She was stopped by a gloved hand taking the napkin from her and lifting her stained hand up towards him. This bastard, she thought.

 

“My my, Miss Midford you really must be more careful, getting dessert in your hand like a little girl, please do be less careless.” he purred in her ear, and she laughed, shaking her head whilst he wiped the sauce from her hand. when he leg go of her, she intentionally knocked her glass off of the table, grabbing everyone’s attention when it hit the floor.

 

“Sorry! Sebastian made me drop it, the glass was so slippery when he handed it to me so hastily!” She had an undeniable talent for convincing those around her she could do nothing wrong, and that’s what made snatching wallets from gross old men at bars in Italy so easy for her. She didn’t even want the money, just the thrill and the ego boost of being so convincing.

 

Her mother scoffed and mumbled about there not being any good help these days, Sebastian shot her a very mean stare, and when he bent down to pick up the glass, she whispered.

 

“Oh no I made him mad at me!Oh i’m so scared, please don’t punish me Mr. Sebastian!” She laughed and he rolled his eyes at her playfully.

 

Maybe staying at Phantomhive manor wouldn’t be so terrible after all. She found a new toy.

 

——

 

At nearly eleven her family parted ways with her, reassuring her that they would’ve never allowed her to have to stay at any place besides at their own residents had Edward’d fiancee not been living with them before the wedding. She survived yet another bone crushing hug from Edward and finally heard the squeaky voice of his Fiancée when she blurted our a goodbye as they hurried out the door.

The room at the manor she stayed at was downstairs, on the floor above the basement level where the kitchen and servants quarters were. She was close to the library and parlor room, which she was thankful for. Her room had a breakfast nook, which she was also thankful for. She was most thankful for the fact that her room was an entire floor away from either twin, as she questioned her safety in the presence alone with both of them.

 

Unpacking her bags and shoving clothes not so neatly into the drawers, she hopped over to the bathroom, and ran herself a much deserved bath. Shedding her clothes, taking a moment to realize she hadn’t worn a proper corset in nearly a year, considering she got tired of tying it herself, and smiling at the thought of her mother’s shocked face at finding this out. The water was burning hot and made her skin feel tingly, like it was being scorched, she loved it. She dipped her head in the water and scrubbed a lavender soap from root to tip. Breathing in the strong scent and humming to herself as she glided a soapy sponge along her milky and untouched skin.

 

She was so peaceful until she heard the loud click of her door open, and she jumped to curl into ball to cover herself in the crystal water. She called out for who was there, but she got not answer.

 

“Who is it! I demand you tell me now!” She yelled, now very angry and embarrassed. She looked down to grab her towel before realizing there wasn’t one. She groaned in panic, but a tall dark figure stepped into the bathroom with her.

 

“Sebastian! Get the hell out! How dare you look upon a woman’s indecency! you pervert! Get out Get out! Get! Out! Now!” she screamed a chucked the wet bar of soap at him. He dropped a fluffy towel in front of the bathtub and apologized profusely.

 

“I didn’t mean to expose you, my lady, but I knew you wouldn’t be able to dry yourself so I thought I would bring a towel.” His voice was annoyingly calm and smooth as always. Once again, she felt a comforting humor in what she expected her mother’s reaction to this scenario would be. He may have already been pinned to a wall by a sword before he could even apologize if Francis were to even hear a rumor about what they’d been doing at dinner.

 

“Well why are you still here! Get out now!” and with that he smirked and left the room, closing the bedroom door behind him. She felt like she could cry again, she knew that their flirting during dinner was very promiscuously motivated but she never thought he would actually try and pry on her naked body.

 

As she laid in bed, she glanced over at the dusty clock on the wall. It read 2:04. It was hours after the incident and she couldn’t sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she burned in between her legs at the thought of Sebastian watching her naked. The thought of his provocative stare watching her suck sweet syrup from her hands, her bathing, her undressing, it was revolting to her yet she wanted him so badly to make her feel rotten and tainted, just as her kiss with Finnian had made her feel. She rubbed her legs together to alleviate some of the aches, but to no avail. She went to sleep exhausted and wanton, dreaming very scandalous dreams that a woman of nobility should not dream about a servant.

 

The morning came quicker than anticipated, and she awoke with wet underwear, a flushed face, and uneven breathing. She walked into the bathroom and splashed chilling water across her face to be rid of the hot embarrassment that still resided on her cheeks

 

It was early enough for her to get to watch one of her favorite things about staying at Phantomhive manor, the beauty of the sunrise from the forest view, the sky painting a deep purple fading into a diamond blue. Curling up in the windowsill, she felt a grand sense of relaxation until a knock at her door jolted her back to real life.

 

“Yes? It’s Elizabeth.” She yelled at the unvoiced knock.

 

“Are you decent now, my lady?” The mocking voice of Sebastian made her cheeks hot. She glanced down at her attire, a silk and very short nightdress , with a semi-sheer morning robe, both in pale white colors. Her newly enlarged breasts pushed out of the top of the nightdress, and her bare legs could be seen all the way up to almost exposing her whole thigh. She was most definitely not decent, but she was technically clothed. She yelled for him to come in, regrettably. Perhaps she wasn’t fully engulfed in humiliation enough from their little excursion in the bathroom, she thought.

 

“I have brought you a morning tea. It appears the young masters have a meeting this morning unfortunately, and are unable to have breakfast with you.” He spoke like he was talking to Ciel or Astre about business, while he poured her tea in a small, flower covered tea cup. She took the cup from his hand and sipped it. As he was about to walk out the door, she made a hasty decision that she wasn’t quite done having her fun yet.

 

She jutted her leg out from her spot at the window and wrapped it around his own leg. Giggling as he pretended to struggle to break from her grip. He turned back around and bent down to get eye level with her.

 

”Was there something you needed, little miss?” His new nickname both endeared and offended her. She loved it.

 

”I'm bored, entertain me, Sebastian.” She said and leaned forward so that their faces were almost touching.She combed her fingers through her unruly mane of golden curls on her head. His lips curled into a smile and he melodramatically pulled a sad face.

 

“I’m so sorry, my dearest Lady Midford, due to my duties I am unable to entertain you at all hours of the day.” He tilted his head like he were talking to a child, she stuck her tongue out like she actually was one.

 

“Oh bugger, I guess i’ll just die of boredom until Nina gets here with my dress!-“ She stretches out in the window sill, her long legs running up the sides of it and exposing more unblemished skin. She felt satisfied by his unbreakable focus on her moving figure. He finally turned to exit, but just before he did, he looked over his shoulder and said something that made her scoff and laugh all of once.

 

“Oh and by the way, I would be prepared to get quite a few stares tonight by the older men. I’ve seen some of the dress sketches Nina drew up and I can already tell you she’s not expecting such a ,um, well, busty figure on such a young girl.” He winked at her and her face turned hot. When the door shut she yelled back at him.

 

“I have told you many times! I am a woman! Not a girl!” She didn’t get a response, and she didn’t really care.

 

——

 

Sebastian turned out to be very correct in his assumption that Nina wasn’t prepared for Lizzy’s new body, as she hadn’t seen her since she was still thirteen and merely budding rather than blooming with femininity. Her face kept getting redder and redder with each comment concerning her figure.

 

“Oh Elizabeth! My darling, if only I had such perky and rounded breasts at your age! Hah! You could’ve married any man you wanted in Europe i’m guessing?!” Nina’s loud voice echoed in the large curtained room in the manor Lizzy was trying the dresses in. The one she had on currently was a deep maroon, it fit her a little too snugly and pushed her breasts up so that her cleavage seemed a mile long. Nina only seemed to find it funny, Lizzy would’ve preferred to have been beheaded.

 

“I’ll grab you another dress! this one has a rather high neckline so maybe you’ll only be showing a little breast tonight!” She laughed and she left the room to grab another dress. Elizabeth jumped around to pull the tight dress off of her. Looking in the full length mirror at her body, now only covered by a corset and thigh high stockings, she studied how much she really had grown. Her height was a big one, six inches in three years, how unheard of, her breasts seemed to pop up overnight, her rounded baby face was still in a beautiful heart shape, but it was less like a doll’s shape and more like a mannequin’s. She laughed to herself at how badly she had used her early bloomer body to her advantage in Europe.

 

_Nancy, who had also seemed to have gone through puberty overnight, was the one encouraged her to use her assets to her own gain. She never paid for drinks again the second the neckline of her dresses plunged deeper into her ever-growing chest. Carriage rides became much easier to hail when her legs were bare and smooth, barley being covered by her sheer petticoats. Even her tutoring was so much more enjoyable now that she was grown. She did however, make a grave mistake when she began a special type of relationship with the dark haired tutor traveling with the girls._

_”Miss Elizabeth, I do believe you’re trying to kill me.” His Italian accent made every word seem to bounce. She giggled sultry and continued to run her hand up his arm._

_”Whatever do you mean, Professor Phillips? I’m just trying to get good at even the most hard concepts.” She squeezed his arm and he attacked her mouth with his. She was fifteen. He tasted like nicotine and chewing gum, a slimy mixture she didn't want to taste again._

_After her playful kiss with the tutor, Elizabeth was forced to realize what’s going to happen if you play with fire._

_She’d stopped wearing corsets mainly because it was much easier to avoid someone unwelcome in your room trying to unlace them for you, when they should be upstairs quizzing your friend in arithmetic._

 

Looking back in the mirror she swallowed thickly, at least now that she was back in England she didn’t have to worry about a drunken tutor grabbing her by the hair and forcing his lips on hers. She sat down in front of the mirror and began to braid her hair, not even noticing when the door clicked open, and a certain raven haired servant looked at her once more, more uncovered than any woman should be seen my someone that isn’t her husband. She jumped, thinking he’d come behind the curtain, but he stayed on the outside of it. She peaked her head out from the drapes and watched him while he folded some sort of linen and placed it on the tall shelves.

 

“You just love to walk in on me whilst I am indecent don’t you?” He whipped his around to see the willowy girl’s head pushed out from behind a curtain. He stepped closer to it and she stepped back behind the red drapery.

 

“Perhaps you just adore being indecent in my presence, little Miss Midford.” She giggled and returned to her place at the mirror, finishing her braid while keeping conversation in her sanctuary of modesty.

 

“How dare you accuse a Midford woman of such lecherous behavior!” She imitated her mother’s voice as best she could and he chuckled at her mockery.

 

“Have you found a suitable dress for the evening? Young master was looking forward to having a dance with you.” He began to stalk around the curtained area, not peeking inside, but running his hand along the fabric to ruffle it, keep her on her toes, not knowing whether or not he’d venture in or not.

 

“Ha! i’m guess by that you mean Ciel? As I remember Astre wasn’t much of a dancer. And to answer your question, i’ll give you another one, would i be sitting here nearly naked if I had any other option?” She felt another ping of satisfaction when he made an intrigued noise by her subtle poke at the twins.

 

“Well, I do hope you find a dress appropriate for your, ahem, needs.” His teasing tone was enough to have her on her feet, sticking her head out again and her evergreen eyes meeting his deep red ones.

 

“Mr Sebastian, you’ll do well not to speak to me in such a manner.” She let the curtain fall slightly, her collar bone and shoulders showing through the velvet fabric. His eyes glossed over her snowy skin and he brought his hand up to run his hand down her long braid she’s just pulled her shiny hair into. When Nina began unlocking the door, he pulled away from her hair and swiftly exited the room. Throughout the rest of the fitting she wondered what would’ve happened had Nina not interrupted.

 

——

 

The dress she settled on was a dusty green color, cinched at the waistline and came off the shoulders. Her cleavage poked out more than her mother would approve of, but she hadn’t really minded, as tonight, she decided she would have the climax of her fun toying with Sebastian. Nina looked appalled she didn’t ask for more than three petticoats. Elizabeth attempted to convince her she really was Elizabeth, just a different version.

 

Typically not one for cosmetics, always being told they were for prostitutes, Lizzy had discovered the joys of makeup whilst in Europe. A complexion cream,some rouge, and a deep mauve lip made her feel as sophisticated as ever. She’d always been told she had gorgeous skin. So pale and flat and free of bumps, acne, and patches of discoloration. Her mother had told her through her whole childhood her skin wouldn’t be so plump and rosy forever. She hadn’t quite outgrown her veiny porcelain complexion just yet, and she was secretly thankful she’d yet to have changed there.

 

She looked at the clock beside her bed, it was 6 pm, the party started at 8. She undid her braided mane of curls and began to brush it out. Yanking and pulling at the tangles made her feel the strong urge to just chop it all off at her chin, but she cared far too much about her hairto even glance at scissors when it was discussed. Her ponytails reached her lower back, and her hair completely down hit at her hipbones. It was thick and shiny, almost like how some sort of fairytale characters would be. She thought back to all the times Nancy has brushed it for her back in Europe, late nights in trains, falling asleep feeling a brush gently gliding trough her knotted hair, much easier than whenever she or her own mother did it. Elizabeth felt comfortable with Nancy, there were no expectations, no judgements, both girls were equally as rotten and repressed, eager to live as vivaciously as they could.

 

When Lizzy was sure she felt her ribs being cracked by her corset, having been tied by Nina, that now foreign feeling of restrainment unearthed Nancy’s voice in the back of her head, pushing her more and more into her sinful desires. Tonight would be the most fun she’d ever have, she’d decided on it.

 

——

 

Bitter wine and fake smiles were the only things getting her through the night. The twins were both wasted by 10, Astre becoming a sleepy, but very tolerable version of himself, and Ciel morphing into a loud and egotistical evolution of his character. When the party had first begun, Astre finally spoke to her using his own voice, not a pre planned message.

 

“Lizzy. You look... stunning. I just-i just can’t get over how much we’ve all, we’ll, changed.” His one remaining deep ocean eye stared straight through her soul. She tucked a few wisps of hair behind her ear and chuckled at him. She was most afraid that this would happen. She wanted deep down to hate the twins, but she knew that Astre would be her downfall, she had fallen for him, and her determination wouldn’t let her cut the cord just yet.

 

“Thank you, Astre... Change is a good thing you know.” She scanned his face for any cues telling her exactly how he felt, but as always he was unreadable.

 

“I guess you could say that it is. This is long overdue, but i’m sorry-” He steppes very close to her, their breathing could be heard in the space between them. “- you deserved so much better than what you got from me. I’ll never be able to explain why I had to do what I did, but I-know that destroying your trust wasn’t worth any plan i’ve ever come up with.” Sincerity laced his voice and drew her to close the gap between them. A kiss on the cheek as an apology accepted. A single tear rolled down her face, how naive she felt, smiling and hugging and believing him so blindly. But if she knew she shouldn’t believe a word he said, did that make her naive at all? She needed air, she needed to run. She excused herself, trying to ignore Astre’s hurt expression, and hiked her dress up to run out the door as fast as she could

 

For the second time in her life, in the middle of a party, Elizabeth Midford hurried out the front door of Phantomhive manor, wearing a beautiful cool toned dress, tears streaming down her doll like face, and moonlight shining in her pearlescent skin. She plopped down on the stairs with a hard smack, wishing she’d been a proper woman and worn stockings, perhaps they would’ve broken her fall a little bit, and stared up at the sky, wishing she had been anyone but herself.

 

She could only feel the burning salty tears rolling down her plump cheeks until a familiar voice snapped her back to the outside world.

 

“Miss Elizabeth, are you alright, my lady?” The satin voice of the butler she’d used as her distraction was both the only and last thing she wanted at that moment. She knew how this story ended, she’d lived it before.

 

“Just go, Sebastian, I don’t need coddling, i’m a woman and I can handle myself!” She pushed herself away from him as he sat down on the steps, ripped the edge of her dress slightly and making herself even more upset.

 

“Well then, if you must persistently tell me you’re a woman, allow me to comfort you I would any other gorgeous young woman in distress-“ He reaches his hand out to cup her face and pressed a soft but passionate kiss to her mouth, she wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and pulled him as close as she could into her, chests pressed against one another, hair flying together in the wind, and mouths moving in harmony. When they broke away, she said nothing, all she did was stand up, dry her tears and walk back into the party, accepting drink from a waiter and making her way to the bathroom to reapply rouge to her lips as if nothing had even happened.

 

Elizabeth may have changed in many monumental ways since her abandonment of herself when she left , but deep down, she knew nothing ever really changes unless you make yourself believe it did.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you have ideas for more Lizzy Centric drabbles set in this au please let me know, i’m always open to suggestion :)


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